I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
