there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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