I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
