3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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