Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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