how can u be prego again
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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