Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
