He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
