He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
