We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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