he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
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You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
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We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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