The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
