Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
