So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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