I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Plan B is the new Plan A
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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