You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You don't make any sense
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