Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize