i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just gargled with NyQuil
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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