I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
