I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
