I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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