Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
