I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
