We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
