I cannot find my penis.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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