So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
