erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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