so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
