I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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