WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
