I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
