no, he came in my armpit
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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