Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
