I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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