they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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