You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
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In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
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hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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