I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
