Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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