Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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