I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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