Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
