I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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