did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You were trust falling into bushes
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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