"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
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I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
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It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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