i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
