its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
