Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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