i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize