Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
pop tarts are not kleenex
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
