idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
