Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
