I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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