I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
now i know why i became what i already was.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
