Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Randomize
