I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
