you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
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ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
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On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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