He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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