She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
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i drank out of a bidet.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
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I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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