Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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