proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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