So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize