I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
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This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
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They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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