Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
