Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
