Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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