I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
