Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
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she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
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But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize