bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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