So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
