What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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