you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
