guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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