Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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