i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Ladies don't puke and tell
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?