Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house