burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff