I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?