u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
