Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
