carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
